


A Surfeit of Riches

by shadowkitty



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-21
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-27 17:23:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowkitty/pseuds/shadowkitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Claudia and Jinksy's new case isn't quite as clear cut as they had first hoped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Surfeit of Riches

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tryslora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tryslora/gifts).



Claudia poked her head out of the window. "It's a modern car. It's practically a computer under there. Let me try it."

Jinks ignored her until she tooted the horn. He bumped his head and swore loudly. "Jiiiiiiiiinksy?"

"What?"

"Hurry up. I want to see the aliens."

He stared at her. "Aliens aren't real."

"Oh please. You're still the junior partner, you don't know that. We got multiple reports!"

"Maybe I should call Artie. Ask him. I could tell him we're stuck. Maybe he'd know what to do."

"No no no no. We're fine. We don't need Artie. Artie does not need to know we broke anything, especially not the car." After a few minutes she shifted position. "Jinksy?"

" _What?_ "

"Are you being all me manly man, me fix car? Because seriously I can fix it."

"Yes, because I do that _constantly._ "

"Just let me under the hood! I can fix it in five minutes."

"Fine."

***

"You won't tell Artie we had to walk to town, right?"

Jinks handed her the key to her room. "Hell no. It's embarrassing enough as it is."

Claudia picked up a flyer from the long neglected display and thrust it under his nose, squealing, "Solved it already! I totally win."

"You can't win, it wasn't a competition. Competition doesn't work like that."

"Welcome to your new job. Have you met Pete?"

He took a closer look at the offending piece of paper. "I am pretty sure there's no Sherlock Holmes stories involving aliens. Just a guess here."

"See? Even you think it was aliens." She poked the flyer. "Rule 1..."

"I'm pretty sure we're on at least rule 17 by now."

"Rule _one_ ," she repeated. "There are no coincidences. If there's a Sherlock Holmes exhibition on in town, I can guarantee you that's where we'll find our artifact. Now get googling 'Sherlock Holmes alien'."

"What am I, your P.A.?"

"Yes?"

***

Steve looked around the exhibition. It was actually kind of boring. A bunch of stuff belonging to an old guy? He could get that at work. He shifted on his feet. Claudia was late. Considering her freakish need to be professional, that was odd. Then he spotted her.

Claudia's sunglasses covered her entire face. She wore a wide brimmed hat that Steve suspected came from Artie's wardrobe. "Where did you even get that trench coat? I hereby kick you out."

"Of what?" she asked indignantly.

"Of everything. Ever. Please don't stand so close to me. I don't want anyone thinking I know you."

She sighed and crossed her arms. "I've done this before, you know."

"What were you, the distraction?"

"...Yes. Shut up. I was great. You nab the jacket, I'll _distract._ "

"The division of labour doesn't seem very even."

"You have clearly never seen me distract!"

Steve paused and stepped back. "You're not going to take your clothes off, are you? Only Pete did that once and it was really traumatising."

"Shush, you. I AM THE REINCARNATION OF MORIARTY. I HAVE COME FOR WHAT IS MINE!"

"Any distraction you like, and you pick supervillain?"

"Because it's awesome," she whispered back. "I CHALLENGE YOU ALL TO A PUZZLE. FOR YOUR _LIVES_."

While the crowd's attention was fixed on Claudia, Steve stole away to a particular smoking jacket on a particular dummy. After all, he reasoned, a lot of energy must go into writing something as scary as The Hound of the Baskervilles. And if you wore one jacket a lot at the time, surely something would rub off? And _then,_ his brain filling in the gaps, a lot of people might mistake a large dog covered in phosphorous for an alien.

Steve dropped it in the bag, waiting for that familiar purple spark. And waited. He yanked it out and tried again. Nothing.

***

Claudia happy-danced around the room. "Dude, no one was gonna confuse an alien for a dog. I told you. I told you _so hard._ "

"Okay, you know that just means we've got to do this all over again, right?"

She only stopped when Jinks threw a pillow at her head. "Whatever, man. I was right and you were wrong."

"The laptop's going to be next if you don't quit it. Wiki's being unhelpful."

Claudia laughed, "Uh, yeah. I uploaded a crapload of viruses to redirect anyone who gets too specific about likely artifacts. I've seen people get stuck on wikipedia for days from it, it's great. Oh, oh! Wasn't there a story with a snake?"

"I guess? Maybe?"

"So snake venom can make you hallucinate, right?"

"That is the most epic reaching I have ever seen."

"You got a better idea?"

***

"MORIARTY HAS RETURNED, FOOLS."

Steve rolled his eyes and did his best to ignore the noise. He moved soundlessly over to the 1890-1895 section and grabbed the handkerchief that had originally been used to mock up the movements of the swamp adder from The Adventure of the Speckled Band.

Bagged it.

Waited.

Muttered "Like they wouldn't know they'd been bitten by a snake."

***

By the time Jinks got back to their room, Claudia was curled into a ball on top of the covers. "Claud? You okay?"

"They didn't catch me," she muttered with disgust. "If they'd caught me they would have put me in the nut house. That's what they said. Or, you know, shouted in the distance. They were pretty slow."

Jinks very very carefully began to pet her hair, afraid she might bite or scratch. "Artie wouldn't let that happen. _I_ wouldn't let that happen. I'd go Rambo on their asses."

He felt, more than heard, her laugh. "I'd pay to see that."

"I do know what it feels like to have people threaten you for being different, you know."

"You never had to wonder if maybe they were right."

Jinks just raised an eyebrow in return.

"Are you going to keep copying me until I admit you're nearly as awesome as I am?"

" _Nearly_?"

"That's all you're getting, dude. Oh no, what if they phone Josh?"

"How would they even... forget it. I can call him, tell him not to worry if he hears anything because you're on very important undercover work. We used to do it all the time in the A.T.F.."

"You'd do that?"

"Only because he's so hot, though. What? I've seen pictures. I have eyes! I guess he's not into guys?"

Claudia unfolded herself with surprising grace. "I... don't know? I mean I know he's not into being stuck in technical limbo for ten years, but other than that I'm clueless... We're going to have to see these aliens for ourselves."

Jinks grinned. "Nice change of subject there. Smooth."

"It's true! We've been going around guessing at what they might be without seeing what they are," she was interrupted by the sound of the Farnsworth. "In fact we should go now."

"Right now!" Jinks agreed.

"Exactly!"

***

Claudia spread her blanket down on the hillside. "I am so excited. Do you think they're going to be like E.T. or Predator?"

"I think you're an idiot."

"You are going to be so glad I brought a picnic."

Ten minutes later she flicked a peanut shell at him. "Jinksy I'm bored."

"Welcome to stake outs."

"But boring! Are they all..."

A light flashed further down the hill

"Holy shit!"

"Holy shit!"

"Holy shit that was an alien!"

"Holy shit that _wasn't_ an alien."

Claudia turned to face him. "What? Did you see that thing?"

"Yes I did and it had wings."

"Maybe aliens have wings! You don't know!"

Jinks grinned triumphantly. "There was nothing even vaguely resembling those in any stories by Arthur Conan Doyle. But I know what they are."

***

"Well, go on. You wanted to distract this time, distract!"

Jinks gave her a blank look. "I... got nothing?"

Claudia sighed and crossed her arms. "Seriously, just use the first thing that pops into your head."

"That's how the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man happened, you know."

"Just do it."

"Oh no. I hate you. I AM MORIARTY!" he began. She snorted with laughter and made her break for the next room.

And eventually, after trawling through piles of junk, found the pipe his son Kingsley gave him. After Kingsley's death, he took to Spiritualism, eventually spiralling far enough to be taken in by a bad hoax of fairy photographs.

Weirdly, she could get that. "I hope they made you feel better for a little while," she said quietly, before placing the pipe carefully into the bag. It sparked and she allowed herself a small smile.

***

Artie nodded at them in an approving manner. "Ah, the Cottingley Fairies. I wouldn't have considered that at first. Good work."

"Oh yeah," said Claudia, "that wasn't..."

"So hard! Wasn't so hard to figure out. Like Claud said: Rule one, no coincidences. She guaranteed me we'd find our artifact at the Sherlock Holmes exhibition."

"You..." she trailed off for a moment. "You paid attention? You are _just_ as awesome as me."

"Of course I did," he punched her arm lightly, "Senior partner."

"I suppose it's a good thing the artifact wasn't from when he was writing The Lost World," on their blank looks Artie explained further. "That one was about dinosaurs."

"Dinosaurs?" asked Claudia.

"Dinosaurs?" asked Jinksy. "Hey. Hey Claud. Do you know if it's possible to make an artifact?"

"I don't know I have _certainly never tried_ ," she said, staring at Artie, stopping only to elbow Jinks when he winced.

Jinks gently pulled her towards the door. "I think we should go away now and not do any experiments."

"No experiments! We are highly cultured people and have no need of dinosaurs," she paused to let Jinks wince again, "perhaps as highly cultured people we should take in an exhibition?"

>>>


End file.
